Through The Looking Glass: Where Coffee = Sleep

Comparing coffee preferences to sleeping habits is probably the most ironic analogy ever made. But outside the asylum, through the looking glass, only the nonsensical truly makes sense. And so, I propose the following theory:

If coffee = sleep, then…


A) A macchiato (a shot of espresso with a mere dash of foam) is the coffee equivalent of “a short but intense nap between 12:30am and 6:30am, as popularised by yogis, yoginis, truck drivers and insomniacs”.

Starbucks Venti Frappuccino

B) A Starbucks Venti Mocha Frappuccino (20 ounces of cream, caffeine & chocolate) is the “persistent vegetative state” of the coffee world.

Somewhere in between lies CATATONIA, which is what happens when you have an incurable weakness for both A) and B) (as regards both the coffee and the sleep).

“Patients with catatonia may experience an extreme loss of motor skills or even constant hyperactive motor activity. Catatonic patients will sometimes hold rigid poses for hours and will ignore any external stimuli. Patients with catatonic excitement can die of exhaustion if not treated. Patients may also show stereotyped, repetitive movements.

They may show specific types of movement such as waxy flexibility, in which they maintain positions after being placed in them by someone else, or gegenhalten (lit. “counterhold”), in which they resist movement in proportion to the force applied by the examiner. They may repeat meaningless phrases or speak only to repeat what the examiner says….

Catatonic excitement is a state of constant purposeless agitation and excitation. Individuals in this state are extremely hyperactive, although the activity seems to lack purpose.

…The only way to cure it is to keep the patient constantly active and the activities must have an end goal or they will not work. Stress must be reduced by not pressurising, keeping life predictable and by limiting choice as making choices is very stressful for catatonics.”

Wikipedia (of course)

And on that note, I REALLY have to get back to writing this thesis. 13 days and counting…

{images via and wikimedia commons }


3 thoughts on “Through The Looking Glass: Where Coffee = Sleep”

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