To hell in a Hadron Collider?

… Yeah right, when hell freezes over.

My favourite hobby of late is making fun of the litigious dolts who think the Earth is going to be gobbled up into a black hole (see video demo below) as soon as the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at Cern starts smashing protons into each other in the hope of finding a little Higgs Boson.

A lot has gone into finding the elusive God Particle*, trying to prove once and for all that all the nothing in the universe is actually made of something.

The LHC is large. Awkwardly large. 27km large. So large it didn’t fit in Switzerland, which is why it straddles the Swiss-French border.


Like an iceberg, it has a relatively small above-ground presence: a beautiful science-like beacon:

LHC above ground

Below ground, it’s just awesomely huge:

LHC inside

(This is a photographic depiction of one man (centre)
in the process of being dwarfed by something unfathomably big.)

It has taken 14 years and $8 billion to build, not including the legal fees caused by black-hole-phobia.

And by September 10 it will be officially cool enough (1.8 kelvin, just above absolute zero) to start doing its thing.

So on Wednesday week, the human race discovers what it’s made of before…

a) continuing to slowly but surely destroy the planet: business as usual


b) spontaneously ceasing to exist (see video demo below), in which case the whole malarky will have been a very large waste of money, but nobody will be around to care much anyway.

(I think it will be quicker than this)

* It is a well-known fact that Peter Higgs, after whom the Higgs Boson was named, is a rampant atheist, and therefore somewhat embarrassed by the whole ‘God Particle’ moniker.

(all images via BigPicture ©CERN)

First published at tumblr Proof (v.)

Poking Holes in ‘The News’

a.k.a What Gets Me Really Riled When I’m Stuck In Bed All Weekend With The Dreaded Lurgy And No-one To Rant To About The Appalling Lack Of Weekend News Coverage… (I mean really, News Radio, what makes you think AFL is proper radio OR news? Ditto, BBC World Service and your endless Premier League wrap-ups).

1: North Korea invents new “super noodle”

Attn: North Korea

Re: Food

You know what would nourish people and help them feel fuller, for longer? MORE FOOD. Surely growing more actual food (as opposed to spending all your foreign aid on live lobsters and silver chopsticks) is cheaper than all the time and labour and creepy science that goes into inventing a whole new kind of noodle. Besides, everyone knows that 2-minute Mi Goreng is the world’s highest-calorie noodle. Uni students are way ahead of you, Kim Baby.

2: “Newsflash: She’s pregnant” [sic]

The Sydney Morning Herald has an ‘exclusive’ on the hard-earned contents of Deborah Knight’s uterus. They call it an exclusive. I call it overshare. And in poor taste. And also… not news.

3: Abandoned whale still suffering

How is posthumously renaming a whale ‘Colette’ in any way going to make up for the indignity of having called it Colin in the first place, even though it was a girl… AND A WHALE?! If we really cared, it would have been nicknamed ‘Wheeeoooooooooeeeooooo-brrrzcjk-brrrrzcjk’ (or somesuch).

4: No. 10 slams brakes on Jezza’s drive for PM

But look here! Breaking News! Someone in the British Government has a sense of humour! (And I am quite willing to accept that it is just one guy with too much time on his hands). Also, pretty conclusive proof that Jeremy Clarkson, of Top Gear fame, is not going to be the next British PM. Although it’s not going to put off the tens of thousands who signed the official Jeremy Clarkson for PM Petition, nor the hundreds of thousands who would have, but were too busy daydreaming of Bugatti Veyron(s?) and trying to identify the man inside The Stig. Sadly, Reuters’ link to the clip is broken, so I’ve taken the liberty of embedding it below.

The unofficially official (officially unofficial?) No. 10 Downing St response
to Jeremy Clarkson’s Prime Ministerial Ambitions.

First published at tumblr Proof (v.)

Even badass graffiti doesn’t give you street cred…

… if you spell “INEVITABLE” with a D (and stupid random caps).

One query: Could the thoughtful soul who added the “T” still get nicked for “fixing” graffiti, which, after all, is already purely criminal? What’s worse: a crime against property, or a crime against the English language?

Gritty, pedantic photography thanks to The Literary Djinn, my bestie and partner-in-crimefighting.

First published at tumblr Proof (v.)

Fauna and Fora

My Thunderbird is sick.

I went to Mozilla “forums” to look for help. And when I got there I wished they were called fora instead.

Apparently this makes me ‘irregular’ (although not in Norwegian, strangely enough).

I find ‘eccentric’ is a kinder term.

PS. How awesome is Wiktionary? A truly unauthoritative authority.

First published at tumblr Proof (v.)

The pot calling the kettle ferric

Good advice from Beacon Bookmarks (via the girl in the green dress).

Proper black, ferric irony (the really iron-y kind) is born when bloggers who adore books give up their valuable book-reading time to post quirky pro-book/anti-blog images, just to remind us where their true loyalties lie.*

(Simone Cabanon Press via FFFFOUND!)

* Yes, I noticed. I am one of those bookworm bloggers. And I’m yet to work out if it’s self-congratulatory or just hypocritical.

First published on tumblr Proof (v.)