Riddle me this…* December 8, 2008
Posted by Olivia McDowell in Cinema, Dialogue, Etcetera, Laughing.Tags: Agar Agar, BankWest, Batman Forever, The Economy
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Q: Why has BankWest suddenly abandoned its premises in Agar House, 457 Railway Street, Chatswood?
A: Because it was unable to maintain the liquidity of its customers’ funds (they kept setting to a satisfyingly firm, gelatinous consistency).
* “Riddle me this, riddle me that: Who’s afraid of the big, bad bat?” — Jim Carrey as The Riddler in Batman Forever (1995). [Click here to listen - via The MovieWavsPage]. I’m honestly impressed that this overwhelmingly underwhelming, mid-90s film managed to produce such a ubiquitous popular idiom.
Happy, shiny bananas October 13, 2008
Posted by Olivia McDowell in Dialogue, Ire, Laughing, Spellcheck, Words.Tags: Archaic words, Banana, Etymology, Micaceous, Minacious, Musaceous, Spellcheck, Wiktionary
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aka. “Temporarily Amusing Diversions That Must Be Banished For the Sake of Sanity and/or Productivity — Why Spellcheck is about as intuitive as a rolling pin, only less suited to its actual purpose”.
Me: Architecture… internal finishes…etcetera and so forth….micaceous paint…
Spellcheck: I’m sorry. Do you mean ‘musaceous’?
Me: I’m pretty sure I don’t. I’m pretty sure I mean ‘micaceous’. As in sparkly and shiny, and pertaining to mica.
Spellcheck: Are you sure?… Are you sure you don’t mean ‘musaceous’?
Me: Well, what does musaceous mean?
Spellcheck: Don’t ask me, I just tagged along with MS Word 2007. Do I look like I know what these words mean?
Me: Fine then, numbskull. I’ll ask Wiktionary.
Wiktionary: ‘Musaceous’ — of or pertaining to a banana.
Me: Yes. Right. See, I did NOT mean musaceous. Who wants their house painted with banana? No-one, that’s who.
Spellcheck: Fine then, see if I care… Err, how ’bout ‘minacious’ then?
Me: Hmm, let’s see.
Wiktionary: Minacious: ‘Of a threatening or menacing nature’.
Me: How fitting! [turns off Spellcheck with one fierce keystroke]. Now back to work!
First published at tumblr Proof (v.)
The Trans-Ditch Lexicon (or why Kiwis and Aussies don’t understand each other and never will) August 8, 2008
Posted by Olivia McDowell in Dialogue, Etcetera, Laughing, Words.add a comment
First published at tumblr Proof (v.)
The scene: A supermarket parking lot. It could be Queenstown, NZ. It could just as well be Sydney, AU. There’s only one way to tell: walk into the nearest café and order a cappuccino. If it comes in a bowl, with a dusting of cinnamon instead of chocolate, and a dish of coffee crystals instead of sugar, you’re almost definitely in Kiwiland (lucky thing).
Kiwi: Did you get the Hokey Pokey ice-cream?
Aussie: Hokey Pokey? As in, left hand, right hand, shake it all about?
Kiwi: Hokey Pokey. As in Violet Crumble. As in Crunchie bar.
Aussie: Mate, you mean honeycomb.
Kiwi: Err, honeycomb is what you pull out of a beehive….
Aussie: Whatever. Can you just take the shopping trolley…
Kiwi: …you mean Trundler…
Aussie: Whatever. Can you take it back to the trolley return…
Kiwi:… you mean trundler park…
Aussie: Stop it. Trundler Park sounds like a wildlife preserve in Colorado. Anyway, hurry up, I could murder a pint right now.
Kiwi: You mean a Handle… But yeah, good idea. And a wee pottle of chips too.
Aussie: A WHAT?!
Kiwi: A wee pottle of chips.
Aussie: A WHAT?!
Kiwi: Sure, it LOOKS like a cup, but I call it a pottle. And it’s wee, as opposed to large.
Aussie: You’re nuts, mate. Or wasted. Just get in the four wheel drive. I’ll drive.
Kiwi: You mean the Bully Bus, eh bro?
Aussie: Okay, I’m ignoring you now. Oh look, it’s snowing.
Kiwi: Nah, it’s just a wee skiff of snow.
Aussie: A WHAT?!
Kiwi: A wee skiff of snow. You know, as opposed to a big snowfall…
Aussie: S***! Bloody speed bumps.
Kiwi: It’s just a wee judder bar. Don’t get your skats in a knot.
Aussie: Skats? A scat is what a wombat does when it goes to the dunny… And would you stop saying ‘wee’? You sound like an incontinent Scotsman.
